Tearing down my walls

I was standing in the shower yesterday thinking about all the cool ways God is moving in peoples lives here on the Gateway and I feel like He isn’t doing anything in me and I was getting a little frustrated and discouraged and He showed me that He has been moving in me, in small ways getting me to take small steps toward Him.

 

In our first week here we did a 3 day solitude where the only person we talked to was God and during that time the song ‘Tear down the walls” really spoke to me and something just resonated in my spirit. And even though at the time I didn’t know what specific walls I was praying about to be torn down, my spirit was crying out for God to tear down the walls keeping me from Him.

 

This last week I have been challenged with two things (2 walls in my life):

 

1. God really brought up in my life and showed me how much I fear what people think about me in what I do or what I say and how it has been something that has really crippled me in my walk with God and being vulnerable with people

 

2. We have been looking into Matthew and Acts to see what it says about money and possessions and what Jesus tells us to do with it and I have been challenged by the communities in Acts that shared EVERYTHING they had with each other.

 

God showed me that he has been working in me in both these areas, things that I didn’t really think about at the time has been God working and moving in my life:

1. Last week I brought my fear of what people think to the light and shared it with my team which is a big step in itself for me. And yesterday in our team check-in I opened up and told them honestly how I felt , not worrying about what they thought or feeling like I have to be perfect all the time but opening up and being vulnerable. God is tearing down my fear and teaching me to trust Him with it.

 

2. The communities in acts challenge me because right now I am living in a community and when I first started I didn’t want to share anything because I viewed it as mine and I wanted to make sure I have stuff to get me by before I share anything but reading Acts and Matthew and realizing that God calls us to give everything up and when we realize what that truly means and we walk that out “our stuff” isn’t ours anymore so when God tells us to give someone something or we have something someone needs then we have no problem giving it to them because we don’t feel personal ties to it. God is helping me walk that out where I not only lend things without hesitation but where I also don’t think about it afterward, if they are taking care of it/if I’ll get it back. I am definitely at the beginning of this walk and I know that to get to the place of the communities in Acts is going to take alot of trust in God but I am so excited God is leading me down this path with Him, because it leads to HIM!

 

All this saying that yesterday I realized that God has been moving in my life. I was just too caught up wanting and hoping and waiting for God to do this crazy BIG move in my life (which isn’t bad, you have to have faith and expect the BIG unexpectable things from God) but I was so focused on wanting something BIG and ‘showy’ that I almost missed the ‘smaller’ ways he was working in my life. I almost missed how he has been tearing down my walls and drawing me closer to Him.

 

These may be small steps, but they are steps in the right direction, steps toward God which are the most important steps you can ever take, so learn from my experience and never underestimate what God is doing in your life because even when you don’t feel it or see it He is moving in BIG ways!